The Coming of Complete Night by Kevin Nolan
The Coming Of Compete Night recounts a fragmented true story of some of the most poignant moments of the last fifteen years of my life, beginning with my first psychotic breakdown around 2001
When I wrote this song I was in extreme distress. It was a moment when the last fifteen years of my life tumbled down on me. From my experiences with anorexia to my many many experiences in Psychiatric hospitals, with psychosis, depression, anxiety and suicide. There is a lyrical motif which sings “I need special care”.
“Special care” is the name given to the highest security ward in the hospital I was in many many times. This song kind of captures a minor break down I was having at the time. Making this song was my only defence against the pain, the confusion, the illness. I think this spontaneous poem I wrote describes the feeling quite well.
Here there is no ending,
no answers, no resolution.
Just the work itself
as I create it and it creates me.
I might die by my own hand tomorrow
but while I’m still writing,
I’m still alive.
As I create I keep myself alive,
with every pause, word, gesture
It occurs to me that
I am already dead
all that is present is my work
I sacrificed my existence
for the only thing that can
give me existence.
Ginsberg has said, that to cry is a celebration, that tears are a celebration; a celebration of the deepness of life. For me art is a triumph over pain. Darkness lived, awesomely affects us, but darkness expressed becomes the beauty of the deepness of life and when it takes the form of an expression of art it becomes deeply beautiful to me.
The Coming Of Complete Night Lyrics:
Now Suzie! it’s not right that you don’t wanna speak to nobody ever, not ever?
I never had (sooch) I need special care.
I saw you helpless in your hospital bed, you said I smelt good. Please eat something baby, please eat something, please just eat something baby.
How do you hold those things? Smokey eyes, give me a cigarette now, I cried for you, I know you cried too.
Don’t strangle yourself honey; wake me up just so I can save your life?
You bought me an ice cream and you left me for another life. The father of modern medicine.
I look in your eyes, and I can’t breathe.
I heard my father on the radio, I heard him.
I don’t understand, quick! get her tablets, quick! get her tablets and get me a drink.
What are you doing in America? what, d’you say you’re in America? I don’t understand, I don’t understand, I’m not going in there, what, are you crazy?
And this is the coming of complete night right to your door step.
Suzie baby I can see you painting and drawing and writing. I can see you’re no fool. I’m scratching at your sheets. I gotta go, I’m going, I gotta go, gotta go.
I can’t sleep I need special care, I need some special care.
Ah looking down, ah the streets of Texas. I walk with the wolves.
Listen! is this what you really want?
Something so real, something strange is happening to me. Who said that?
We can go in my car baby, we can go in my car baby, I don’t know, I don’t know, when your scared to your soul.
Someone ring my sister, I can’t take it sister, what going on? My brains exploding, I’ve been hit too hard, I need a walk now, I need a walk.
And I can almost hear them talking about me on the radio. I was alright till I learned your name. Help me Doc, I tired of trying to explain.
I never had sushi before, now I need special care.
I saw you in hospital so helpless. You told me I smelt good, please eat something baby.
I hear my father on the radio. Your little Hollywood routine not gonna work with me, save it for the silver screen.
Don’t listen to that, don’t listen to that, Baby, you know that music hurts me baby.
This is serious, listen! listen, I know I know I know it’s tough all over. Now I wanna good time!
And nobody believes that there’s nothing to believe in.
I’m no one’s fool baby, No one’s fool, who said that?
I know you’re trying your best.
I know you’re on your best behaviour, I know you’re trying your best.
aaahh! lord I need to walk, I can’t sleep no more.
Now Suzie! it’s not natural that you don’t wanna talk to anyone ever. I was alright till I learnt my name now I was alright, till I fell in love.
What d’you mean you’re not coming back? what? you gotta go, I gotta go!! I gotta go!
This is what you really want? I’m really gonna do it this time.
Gimme a cigarette, Gimme a cigarette , Just one cigarette, yea really
I cried for you babe. I know you cried too. I know you cried too baby. Now you gotta go, I gotta go.
This is the coming of complete night, that cups the peaks and blesses the earth
Suzie baby, I hope you never hear another word
Turn on the radio, I can hear my father speaking on the radio, saying something.
I saw you helpless in your in your sick bed, please eat something baby, please eat something, just one thing.
That’s not natural, that aint natural at all.
And we can go in my car baby
let’s go in my car to the country, see what we can see.
somebody call up my sister, sister what’s happening to me? Sister, what’s happening to me?
For me art is a triumph over pain
Kevin is recipient of ADI and axis:Ballymun Playground: Performing Arts residency award 2016.
Kevin is a contributing artist to ADI's Curated Space 2016
Kevin Nolan, Dublin, Ireland born, is a singer/composer.
After eight years of writing and recording he has just completed and released his debut album ‘Fredrick & The Golden Dawn’which features a duet with Choice Music Award winner Julie Feeney, on his song ‘Aubade’. John Kelly has played ‘Aubade’ several times on his show The JK Ensemble on RTE Lyric FM. It was the first single off the album and has also been given spins by Carl Corcoran and The Tom Robinson show on BBC 6 Music. Kevin has a unique and powerful style rooted in performance art, the likes of Jacques Brel, Bertolt Brecht, Dagmar Krause, Tom Waits. Kevin won an award for best (non-classical) singer/ songwriter for the 3 EP songs, ‘Splinter’, ‘Blood Wedding’ and ‘The Guess’ from an American art collective, Lark Gallery Online, in 2010.
The track 'Splinter', which is the second single from the album was recently chosen by Julie Feeney as one of her favourite songs in a programme called Kaleidoscope which she hosted for RTE Radio. ‘Splinter’ was also included on ‘The Alternative with Chris Atwood Compilation’ which was released in the USA with Russian Winter Records.
Kevin is a multi-instrumentalist and usually performs all instruments himself as well as all vocals on his songs. In early adulthood, Nolan was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which he wrote about at length in this recent article in the Irish Independent.
Kevin also designed and published his first volume of poetry with TC&FF press entitled ‘Vibrations Of The Soul’. The book is illustrated by Artist John Nolan with forward Irish poet Patrick Deeley, winner of The Eillis Dillion Book of the year award in 2001. Patrick Deeley has also written the introduction to Kevin’s new volume of poems entitled ‘Schizo-poetry – Fragments of Mind’, which is collaboration with artist/poet Susanne Wawra and will be published with Shine.
Kevin’s writing has appeared in, The Galway Review, Colony (Ireland), The Skylight 47 Magazine, Boyne Berries, Bard, The Shine Newsletter, Studies, Decanto Magazine / Anthology (England), The Jack Kerouac Family Association News Letter (US), Yareah Magazine (Italy), among other journals. Kevin was also made honorary member of The Jack Kerouac Family Association.
Kevin holds an honours degree in Pure Philosophy from The Milltown Institute, Dublin City. He also studied Fine Art in The National College of Art and Design. Kevin also explores sound textures, found-sound and field music under the title: The K/rouac Orchestra. His last sound exhibition was last year in Weimar, Germany in association with The Bauhaus-University.
Dylan is a musician, actor and theatre-maker and graduated from both Trinity College Dublin and Goldsmiths College London. Theatre work includes roles for Pan Pan, The Abbey Theatre, Dead Centre, Anu Productions and Via Negativa (Slovenia). As a theatre-maker work includes: Pulse Music/Ceol Cuisle (RTÉ Radio Drama– nominated Prix Nova 2014), RECORD (Cork Midsummer Festival, Dublin Theatre Festival 2012, Radio Version for RTÉ nominated Prix Europa 2013), Medea/Medea, Gate/Headlong New Directions Award 2009 (Gate Theatre London), No Worst There is None, Irish Times Theatre Award for Best Production and nomination for Best Director 2009 (Dublin Theatre Festival). Dylan has recently contributed a chapter entitled 'Start Making Sense' to Performance, Madness and Psychiatry, published by Palgrave, and written an opinion piece 'Dante or the DSM?' for artsandhealth.ie.
His second album 'Wabi-Sabi Soul' is released in April 2016 from www.dylantighe.bandcamp.com