Top Deck, a play by Sonya Kelly. Commissioned by Arts & Disability Ireland for Curated Space 2014
The bus bell rings. Ding! Ding!
Jane and Ross
Jane and Ross, mid teens, take up a seat each. They sit on them like teenagers. Ross is reading something on his phone.
‘Kay, what’s Mike’s status?
It says he’s heading to S B at the C B.
Central Bank! He’s skateboarding at Central Bank. OMG! Ok, so you sign in as me and have me say, ‘Oh my god, totes board at home today. What the faa!’ Then sign out as me and sign in as you and say. ‘Me too. Do you want to do something?’
Do it! Are you doing it?
Yes. I’m doing it. Relax!
Then sign back in as me and say, ‘Ok. What?’ Then sign out as me and sign back in as you and say like, ‘Dunno. Central Bank?’
Then sign out as you and back in as me and say, ‘Hm, who’s going?’
But you know who’s going?
Yeah, but he can’t know that I know he’s going. If he knows that I know he’s going, he’ll know that someone told me he’s going. Then when I’m there, he’ll think I’m there because he’s there.
But you are going because he’s there.
Jane hits him.
Ow! You could just phone him.
Are you actually, totally on drugs right now?
He’s your boyfriend!
Are you typing?
Soooo, sign out as me and back in as you and say, ’Hum, Mike, I think.’ Then sign out as you and sign back in as me and say, ‘Whatev’s. Lame but doable. Come get me mofo. Smiley face.’ Then sign out as me and back in as you and say. ‘Cool beans. BTW, LOL re you know who.’
So he’ll read it and wonder if we’re talking about him, douche! Ross, do actually know anything about social networking?
We’re here. Good to go?
Ross presses the bell. Jane pulls out a white cane from her pocket and extends it.
Good to go. Do you’ve my skateboard?
Ross pulls a skateboard out from under the seat.
As they stand the lights go out on them.
SFX: The bus bell rings. Ding! Ding! The actors exit and are replaced by…
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In my day a smoothie was a fella who came round the car to open your door for you
from Top Deck by Sonya Kelly
Sonya Kelly is a contributing artist to ADI's Curated Space 2014
Sonya is an Irish writer and actor.
She has performed with a number of major Irish companies including the Gate Theatre, Druid Theatre, The Corn Exchange, Pan Pan, and Willfredd Theatre. She is a cast member of RTE’s sketch show, The Savage Eye and is also a regular contributor to the arts show, Arena on RTE Radio 1.
Her debut solo show, The Wheelchair on My Face: a look back at a myopic childhood, a Show In A Bag produced by Fishamble won a Scotsman Fringe First Award at the Edinburgh Fringe 2012. The show played 150 performances in over 50 venues and toured to Paris and New York where it received a Critics’ Pick in the New York Times. How To Keep An Alien is her second theatre show. It’s creation was overseen by Rough Magic’s ADVANCE mentorship programme in 2013. In 2014 it won the Best Production award at the Tiger Dublin Fringe. It toured to Australia and will play the Traverse Theatre in Edinburgh and the Soho in London in 2015.
Sonya is a member of Six In The Attic, an artist resource sharing initiative at the the Irish Theatre Institute.